The Chase

AH yes.... the chase!
You may have heard this a million times by now, (I know I have) of how Men love the chase. I always believed this to a certain extent, but now I am really starting to see how this works.
I’m not big on being the caller in the beginning of the relationship. I like being the callee. This equation usually insures that my calls and text messages stay at a normal to high volume. Hey, what’s up, how are you, I miss you, and even where are you, or why haven’t I heard from you are the regular responses to this behavior. Dare I decide to pick up my phone because I want to say hi, or want to hear his voice, it’s like the earth almost spins right out of orbit. The response is never quite as interesting or urgent as when they initiate the interaction. Can’t a girl just call to say hello?
Then you also have the age old argument of when or when not to give up the “goods” nookie, cookie, or goodies, whatever you wanna call it. As a grown woman being of sound mind and body I feel like I should be able to share myself when I am ready. Be it 6 days or 6 months. Now, I’m not saying that I should expect a one night stand to turn into happily ever after (even though mine did lead to marriage, but I digress) but should I be penalized for deciding to do so after 2 weeks? Why does that change things? Well I know why. It reduces the chase. Now these are general terms, and not every man will deem you a slut because you didn’t wait the 90 day probationary period, but I can really see how things change. Even though the prize is the same, the value is assessd as greater the harder the challenge, or longer the wait. It’s like scrabble the longer/harder the wordplay the higher the points. So if you have only had a few partners ever in life and been on a dry spell for the last year you can hurt your chances of being in a relationship or developing the right kind if you act on your attraction to a man too soon. On the flip side, if you have had a dozen partners this year and make Joe Schmo number 30 wait 3 months to get it he will probably have more respect for you and put you in the “possible” category for a committed relationship.
Is it really that simple? I did so well in Algebra that this should be a synch! Unfortunately, I am only human. A female human to boot, and in the past I refused to play by anyone’s rules but my own. So I have had relationships that lasted for 2 years but because I “gave it up” before the desired waiting period the chase had to be extended in other areas. On the flip side I have been in relationships where I did wait (mainly because I just wasn’t that into him or had someone else) and the guy would have given me the world. The sad part is that men and women are more alike than we would like to admit. It’s not fair that we have to set all these rules to call your bluff, or pass your ‘tests”. If you know I’m attracted to you and vice versa why put me in a position of having to be the one to say no? The same way men judge women on our willpower or lack thereof shouldn’t they be held accountable for their part? You ask me for some honey, and then call me easy for giving it to you. It’s not like I’m going around saying who wants my honey? Any takers? Any Takers? I know I know, the chase.

What does marriage mean to you in 2010?

I know that in the last decade my views on marriage have changed to say the least. I've meandered from the picket fence theory to more of a progressive view of finding a partner that I can actually enjoy life with. I'm not a traditional woman so that traditional script left me feeling like an alien. I'm interested to know how others see this sacred institution.

With all of the debates about the availability of single black men, and the unapproacable attitudes of single independent successful black women can we still make it by the old-school norms? Even couples who have tied the knot will admit that the living organsim of their marrige does not resemble the "dream".

Our Society has shifted in other areas, but many still hold on to that same blueprint. Can a traditional marriage survive and thrive in an ever changing society with expanded views on sexuality and gender roles? Has shacking up stolen some of the thunder of the real thing? What does Marriage mean to you in 2010?